Parenthood a joy? Not so much!

Yesterday I got into a delightful discussion with a co-worker on one’s decision to forego having children. My position is that I do not want children. Sometimes I waver and say if the right person comes along and insists on children, well then I’ll acquiesce. Doesn’t sound too romantic huh, I know. But I’ve never really had the desire to have children. Anyway, he went on about how I’m still young and the desire will come. He then went into a sorrow-inspiring story of a woman he knows that never had children and how when he was younger he thought she was so wise and now that wisdom seems empty because she never had children. Bring out the Kleenex!

Ironically enough, later on in the day I came across a news interview wherein a sociologist discussed the very proposition that adults with children ARE NOT necessarily happier. It seems as though there’s also a Newsweek article out or about to come out about the very same topic. Anyhow, the sociologist when on to say based on data collected on 13,000 adults, gauging the frequency of certain emotions in the previous week, adults with children experience significantly more depression, whether they had children living at home or were empty-nesters. She went on to say other sociology studies have discovered the more kids one has, the more feelings of depression. She also revealed people hate to admit they don’t experience all this joy with having children because it runs counter to our cultural beliefs that children make you happy.  Finally! Someone speaks the truth.

Now as sad and shocking to some people as these findings may be, I’m filled with bittersweet gratification. Children are a miracle; I’ll give you that.  However, the decision not to have children should not be looked upon by disgust and dismay.  I’ve expressed my desire not to have children for years, and for years people have made me feel like an awful person for the pronouncement. In fact, it is generally looked down upon when a woman states she does not desire to have children. Do you all remember the most recent backlash of this sort when Rachel Ray announced, shortly after getting married, she did not want to have children? There was an uproar! People feel as though they must convince and shame a woman into changing her mind. So yes, I’m glad there’s empirical evidence to show parenthood is not all it’s cracked up to be. I hope this brings solace to the droves of my fellow women out there in the world confident in their choice not to have children.  You are not alone.

Speak soon,

~ J

~ by www.blackgaygossip.com on July 9, 2008.